Decide which side

Decide ahead of time which side of a story you’re going to be on.

Your motives will come out later.

But be sure you choose to be on the side of the truth.

Don’t decide you are always going to believe She Said or He Said.

Decide that you are going to not be involved or decide that you are going to find the truth before you get involved.

Never make a decision based on gender, race, or any factor that can NOT be controlled by an individual.

In other words, or in more practical sense, look and listen like this:

I will not make a decision based on your gender. I will not make a decision based on your race.

Those are both things that the person you are listening to can NOT control, right? So be sure to not let ‘external’ factors influence your hearing level.

Decide that you ARE going to listen and listen carefully. Listen with the understanding and the knowledge that the other person really wants to be believed.

The other person wants you to have ‘Faith’ in anything or everything that they are telling you.

Remember to Decide Which Side you want to be on before you ever start listening.

You can choose to listen based on male or female, or you can choose to find the truth over a lie. Either way, you will choose a side.

You can choose to listen to a pastor over a lay person, or you can choose to find the truth over a lie. Either way, you will choose a side.

You might even want to believe a police officer over a citizen. You can always make a public records request to decipher the truth from a lie. Either way, you will choose a side.

The point of all this is simple.

As you listen to someone, as you hear out a claim, & as you asses a situation, remember that you have already chosen a side before the situation ever started.

You’ve already chosen what you’re going to hear long before the other person started talking, long before you started reading their social posts, their book, or their claim.

Be careful you do NOT decide to listen to a lie.

Always decide to find the TRUTH.

Never decide whom you’re going to believe based on a circumstance that the other person can not control. While race and gender are only a couple of examples, never decide to enable a lie based on a quality which the other person has not cognitively and purposely chosen.

Decide today, that whomever you listen to, you will tell yourself,

“I will not be blinded by your gender. Be it man or woman, you will not insult my intelligence, try to rewrite history-of-events, and I will not be deceived.”

Simply because someone wants you to believe them, that does not mean you should.

Almost everyone engaging in deception or blatant lie will really, Really, REALLY want you to believe them!

Decide that you will participate in listening for the truth, listen for facts that can be verified, listen for facts that don’t add up, listen for the other person’s level of relentless desire to be believed, listen meticulously for things which can be clarified via public records, listen carefully for how much they want you to have Faith in them.

Either you run the risk of enabling a lie, or you make a blatant choice to pursue the truth.

Either way, you will decide a side.


Sociopath:No Regret or Remorse

How to Spot a Sociopath

The most incredible trait of a sociopath, is their complete lack of conscience, lack of empathy, remorse, guilt or shame. Sociopaths are great at feigning ‘moral outrage’, or playing victim, giving a false persona that has the  impression of being truly empathetic and caring character. This, like most things with the sociopath, is merely for show. The facade that you see on the outside, has little resemblance to the reality that is going on behind the screen, well hidden, and only known by the sociopath themselves. They are the chameleons of society.

Sociopaths have no fear. They do not care what others think of them (unless it involves being exposed, which would affect their ability to con further). A sociopath can do and say the MOST outrageous things, and then act like nothing ever happened.

I can’t count the number of times therapy has failed to be effective or gone awry in some way because a therapist misinterpreted regret for remorse, equated embarrassment with shame, or presumed contrition to be present just because a person showed some signs of unhappiness.

Just like everyone else in society, all sociopaths are different and they all do different things but examples would be:

  • Compulsive pathological lying (outrageous ridiculous lies)
  • Deception and manipulation (conning)
  • Cheating and infidelity
  • Taking the victim hostage, and having full ownership possession and control (without them realising this)
  • Living like a parasite
  • Faking ‘love’
  • Theft (includes theft of anything, money, your life, your mind)
  • Threats, ruining and smear campaigns

It’s all to easy to say you’re sorry and that you “take responsibility” for your actions but all too difficult to actually accept the need for change and then to display how seriously you’ve taken responsibility by working like the dickens to make necessary changes.

All too often we have all heard disturbed characters claim that they have taken responsibility for their actions yet provided no behavioral evidence of a sincere desire to make amends or change their ways.

What’s the difference between regret and remorse? 

Regret has to do with wishing you hadn’t taken a particular action. 

You may regret an action because it hurt someone else, but you may also regret it because it hurt you.

It cost you something emotionally or financially, or led to a punishment or undesirable result.

Regret can lead a person to feel sorrow, grief, hurt and anger-but these can be for the pain s/he feels for the self, not necessarily for the other person who was hurt by the behavior.

Remember that one of the main characteristics of remorse is when the person expressed their feelings of some resemblance of accountability.

Did they express any feelings of remorse WHEN they did the act?

or…. Did the person express feelings of regret WHEN they got caught?

There’s a stark difference between calling someone names and actually dealing with a sociopath.

A sociopathic disorder will not usually -EVER- show any level of accountability for theft, cheating, pathological lying, faking ‘love’, making threats or making false threats.

Someone who gets caught, then ‘shows regret for being caught’ is one thing.

Someone who shows no emotional regret or remorse …EVER?

That could be problematic.

Is this how you want your daughters to act?

Had tv on while working, and i’m watching this new show called Face The Truth. Volume was minimal for background noise, then i had to turn it up and really listen.

One of the lines that stuck out the most was when one of the hosts said, “This is exactly how you NEVER want your daughter to act.”
The over running message of this episode was really about lying, drama, and deception.

……..and that prompted me to have empathetic consideration of the next generation.

What about Katy’s kids? What about Faith’s kids? What are Aubree, Alexis, & Katelyn growing up with? What are they being modeled, taught, influenced, and demonstrated within their home?

Is it that it’s ok to deceive others? To lie to police? To lie to the church? That it’s ok to lie to the police about the church about family and abuse?