you don’t need to ignore it & you don’t need to go rushing into action like these idiots either, but learn to realize when there is something wrong vs. something is different.
susies sally soccer mom that’s been abused is one thing
someone who has been born, raised, cognitively conditioned and socially programmed to believe delusional fear based lies…. that’s very, Very, VERY different.
in 2012 when ms. conaway mentioned the abuse, i googled a list of domestic violence shelters and sent it to her. she mentioned that she couldn’t go there because jason would come and pick up her, Katelyn, Alexis and Aubree.
now let that run through your head a bit
if you mention to someone that they are actually really close to a domestic vioence shelter and they do not want to go, that’s a bit of an anomoly, right?
sometimes women have various reasons for not going leaving.
but listen. don’t believe some truth or just any truth or some superficial claim. really listen deep to what the person is saying.
when i heard that ms conaway thought that her and the girls were going to be “picked up” by her first ex husband, that sent up a HUGE RED FLAG.
Why? because i listened.
anyone, (outside of a right wing nut job culture) knows that domestic violence shelters DO NOT HAVE A PICKUP LINE.
that’s the whole point of domestic violence places.
so hearing “I can’t go there because i’m worried that Jason will come pick up me, Katelyn, Alexis, and Aubree.” that’s a huge oddity of beliefs.
that doesn’t make much sense to those in the realm of “normalcy” right?
even those who’ve worked at, volunteered with, gone through training on what to say / what not to say, ………, hearing someone mention that their mind believes that there is the ability for a dude to come to a domestic violence shelter and “pick up” the rest of the family?
that should send up a red flag.
listen carefully: that should send up a RED FLAG to YOU – the LISTENER!
yes, there should always be some concern for jason or the accused person.
but never underestimate your own ability to listen to the ACCUSER!
always keep your listening skills highly sensitive and attuned to the ACCUSER as well!
after hearing that ms. conaway was highly unwelcoming to the idea of her and the girls going to a domestic violence shelter there near pensacola, i made another suggestion.
this time, i want you to see if you can HEAR the red flag. ready?
my next suggestion was that i figure out how to get her some money to fly herself and the girls up to live with the rest of her family in washington.
that suggestion as well was met with something quite peculiar: ms conaway was adamant that she could not go home because jeremiah (her brother) would call up jason and tell him where they were.
WHAT?
so, i leaned into the listening and explored a bit more……. and i want to encourage everyone to LEAN IN AND LISTEN (as much as humanly possible) to the ACCUSER
she literally thought and was highly insistent that if she were given 4 plane tickets home, that Jeremiah (her brother all the way in washington) would call up Jason (the hubby that was abusive in pensacola florida), and even in the midst of ms conaways sisters Elizabeth and Rachel who would be there in washington with her, that everything in the universe – everything in reality – everything in HER MIND – was telling ms conaway’s cognitive brain, that Jeremiah would somehow conspire with Jason and that her and the girls would still be abducted.
Look folks, that’s odd.
let’s not label something like that with
LISTEN TO WHAT SHE’S SAYING
“oh that’s horrific abuse from jason that he would come kidnap the kids”
“oh that’s terrible that your brother would call up jason and your ex husband would come abduct the girls with your brother’s help”
(add to that)
“……and that your sisters would totally be ok with that scenario”
NONE OF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE!
look, it’s not that you want to ‘not believe’ someone. believe that you are going to believe something! believe and understand that as you are hearing and listening to them, your own brain IS going to hear ‘something’.
don’t label it a lie, don’t label it the truth, don’t just ‘believe everyone is telling you the truth’ or that everyone is telling a ‘lie’ either.
do you believe that there was abuse in a far right wing fundamentalist culture where women wear skirts, men wear the pants, women should be silent, girls walk on one side of the sidewalk, men walk on the other, ladies here’s your staircase, men here’s your elevator, blah blah blah…..
SURE!
now what is the AFFECT of that abuse?
see if you don’t have any listening skills, then there is a high liklihood that YOU will miss the part that should sent up a red flag. the part that says …wait a inute ma’am ‘WHAT YOUR SAYING’ doesn’t make any sense. something else is going on. something in the accuser’s mind is a bit off. something in this story doesn’t mkae much sens. there is an anomoly. there is something quite particular bout this personis insistence that they are right. there is something hard wired into this persons mind that they are watning you to elieve them.
********** taking a shower, grabbing my phone, using voice dictation, trying to correct a word with wet fingers, then mixing that back in with voice dictation really makes for a poorly formatted article 😉 Note to Self: always capture the thought in the moment of writing a Note to Self – just don’t pretend that wet hands can swipe the corrected word!