{{guest post}}
I get that people want to claim to be advocates or have a cause based mission, perhaps some want to simply take out their unresolved anger on anyone that they can find.
But the real problem with enablers is that they really don’t care about the other individual, all they really care about is themselves.
Think of REM sleep. Think of Suzanne telling Ms. Conaway all her horror stories of Glen. Now think of all the times that her nightmares were about Glen. All the times that she woke up kicking you, all the times that you had to help her calm down, all the nights that you stayed up all night. And every morning that you asked her what her dreams were about, she said that they were about Glen. Those weren’t moderate dreams. Those were horrific nightmares that are now stuck in Ms. Conaway’s brain.
Glen wasn’t even alive for more than a couple of months since Ms. Conaway went from Florida to Texas. Now, I know that you said you wanted to have some healthy boundaries with him and Faith and the girls. However, the amount of time that Glen spent with Faith could not have been more that 30 cumulative total hours.
Between swinging by the his house to pick something up or interacting with him at something social there in town, there’s not more than a few months and a couple of instances from the timeline when Faith came here to when Glen died.
Why is Faith having violent, sleep depriving nightmares of Glen?
It’s because Suzanne injected into Faith’s brain all of Suzanne’s past hurts, fears, and drama.
And, it had a horrific affect on your ability to sleep, Faith’s ability to get rest, and here’s the worst part:
Suzanne’s drama has passed onto Faith the exact thing which Faith did NOT need. Faith’s chronic paranoid delusions from the cult’s social programming did NOT need enabling of more stories. Faith finds enough horror stories on Facebook, in her ‘Advocacy’ circles, and after listening to her interview, Faith even keeps a notebook of all the stories that happen to other people.
That is exactly NOT what Suzanne should have done! But Suzanne doesn’t really care does she? And, I want to circle this back around to the church members in a minute. But Suzanne doesn’t really care if she causes further damage. All she cares about is that she has yet-another-person to share in her misery.
Any properly healed person would NOT want to pass along one person’s pain & project it onto someone else. Yet Suzanne does. Suzanne has zero self-regulated hesitation or consideration for your relationships – with a spouse, with the community, or even with a church.
Suzanne gave birth, Suzanne left, Glen got custody, & she has NOT been involved in your life except when she has someone-else to antagonize with her hatred of Glen.
Remember I said I would circle around and come back to the church and the community?
That’s what I really want people to hear, see, and understand.
When Katy and Adrianne decide to tell the police that you’re married, they are enabling the pain. When Faith decided to ‘create’ yet-one-more paranoid delusional lie that you were magically suddenly married, that’s on her. Faith has been systematically programmed via the paranoid religious cult for 35 years. So until Faith has a judicial intervention or decides to go get serious therapy on her own, we can all anticipate that her episodes of delusional paranoia will continue.
But go back over to the church, the community, and these enablers.
When Katy and Adrianne hear Faith make a claim, that’s where the ‘enabling’ should have stopped. And I mean STOP dead in their tracks STOP! These two goons don’t just have some ‘mission’ of helping people or any horse crap like that. These are two people who have known you LONGER THAN FAITH HAS!!!
Why on God’s green earth would they lie to the police about you being suddenly married?
This is the exact same behavioral pattern that the individuals from the rest of Pathway church have demonstrated, and it’s the exact same behavior that Suzanne has demonstrated over and over again.
Why on earth would Katy and Adrianne simply parrot something that Faith claims when they know damn good and well that it’s not real? Why would Suzanne repeat something from 40 years ago to Faith? Why does Shane Wickson keep repeating that the lady who hasn’t been around since 1980 is suddenly your mother? Why does Patrick approach your sister or brother-in-law on the softball fields? (I am still waiting and wondering if Wickson’s going to cover someone’s lie if they go and find Heather’s birth mother and bring her into Pathway)
But again, the repeating behavioral patter that we see demonstrated -REPEATEDLY!- is that these ‘enablers’ don’t really care about anything other than themself.
- What’s more important than enforcing the court order restraining order against Faith?
- Shane’s ability for his safety squad to get their hero complex stroked.
- What’s more important than Suzanne’s ability to move on from her abandoning her own flesh in 1980 and let you have a relationship with someone?
- Suzanne’s self-centered belief that she needs to pass her pain (regret, guilt, ___?) onto ANYONE and EVERYONE else!
- Does the safety squad or even their police led cop care to throw out all of reality to have their own ego pumped up with some damsel in distress story?
- YES! Yes, Yes, YES! Repeatedly!!
- Can Adrianne & Katy publicly say, “Ok. In reality we’re all from the same town & we’ve been going to the same church for a few decades. But we do love to lie repeatedly to police. The one about him being married was only ONE of them.
We knew Brad wasn’t married the whole time.”- Of course that level of honesty isn’t going to come out. Adrianne and Katy care more about themselves! Their own ‘advocate’ or #girl-related hashtag matters more status more than anything else.
- At any point is Rick Owen going to come out and say, “Well, ok. Maybe we should make a public statement of correction for what we’ve lied about.”
- Of course he can’t. He never will. Let’s make sure everyone is clear on that: Don’t hold your breath waiting for him to come clean. What matters more: That his church is seen as the hero for victims -or- that he has people in place to cover up a lie and take away from real victims. Obviously the first ‘appearance’ is much more important to him.
Someone who truly wants to EMPOWER will put aside their own bias or what they ‘want’ the scenario to be.
These people who want to ENABLE will give a drunk a drink, give a crack head a needle, & give a liar a megaphone.
It doesn’t matter if Faith continually suffers from flashbacks of delusional paranoia episodes from her time in the cult. All these ENABLERS care about is that they bend reality to suite their own needs, use Faith’s “story” to promote their own social cause, especially these guys at church – they need to have their own pulpit petted, and these drama queen girls need to have more voices to cover their bull.
Bottom line is that there is a difference between ENABLING & EMPOWERING. And, it’s not at all a small difference. It’s not a “fine line” at all. These folks will enable anything as long as it suits their own selfishness.