Not just your own growth, but others as well.
https://www.boundaries.me/blog/the-one-thing-we-all-have-in-common-we-all-struggle-and-it-s-ok
Men, Soccer Dads, Fellow Suburbanites – LEND ME YOUR EAR!
https://www.boundaries.me/blog/you-are-not-responsible-for-your-significant-other
Yes, we’ve all sat through the sermons talking about how men are supposed to be the leader, how men are supposed to be great dads, loving husbands, work hard – but not too hard, make money – but don’t let it be a “defining achievement” over family, be romantic, be funny, make dad-jokes as often as possible (even if they’re not funny), …..because after all
THE MAN IS ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN THE HOUSE
…..right?
Of course. That’s what we’ve been taught our whole life.
Yes, men. The Bible does tell us to lead. But that never guarantees that anyone will walk that path with us.I’ll never forget the Saturday evening service when Pastor Rick Owen of Pathway Church said, “Men if you don’t want poop in your own yard, build a fence.” At the following Sunday morning service, though, he changed the rhetoric to leave out the word men. But it’s the same line of thinking though.
It’s the mans fault.
He’s ultimately responsible.
Men if you want to be treated like a “King”, then you must treat her like a Queen.
Guys if you want a woman who will “follow”, you must lead.
If the woman isn’t doing ‘xyz’, then ….guys, it’s most assuredly your fault.
Men, if you spend personal time with God & read His Word everyday, then ……
Guys, you should read the Bible with your wife, because then she will ……
Men, if you want your household to Love God, then you should ….
Guys, if you keep your pecker in your pants, then…..
Dads, if you read the Bible with your kids then….
At some point, men, you need to realize that you are not responsible FOR the actions of others!
You are responsible TO your spouse….
You are responsible TO those kiddos….
You should be responsible TO your church….
You can be responsible TO your community….
…but you can NEVER be RESPONSIBLE FOR anyone OTHER THAN Y-O-U!
You need to forgive her when she lies. You are NOT RESPONSIBLE for what SHE does.
You need to put distance from the church. You are NOT RESPONSIBLE for what they do.
Maybe you need to ask a Judge for more permanent RESTRAINING ORDERS on her actions. You can NOT be socially held against liable for what SHE did every time you leave the house to go out in public.
You can keep your willie in your pants all you want. That doesn’t guarantee that SHE will not have an affair.
You can take care of the kids and be an absolutely awesome dad all you want. That has absolutely ZERO guarantee that she won’t be pissed when you ask her to come to therapy & run around town frantically calling you a horrible monster.
See, you can listen to whatever church sermon that you’d like, interpret any Bible passage, and allow any toxic rhetoric to come into your head, your heart, and your soul.
But at the end of the day, you must realize that you are responsible for you and you only.
Nowhere in the Bible does it every say any type of conditional IF / THEN statement. So why do we continually hear pastor after pastor, week after week, church after church, month after month, and year after year continually speak as though there is some type of “CONDITIONAL” statement?
It’s wrong and it needs to stop.
Men, you can lead. You can read your Bible everyday. You can spend time with the kids. You can keep your pecker in your own pants. You can provide all you want for your family. You can go to church. You can volunteer in the community. You can lead others to Christ and to the church. You can do anything. But at no point should you ever think that you can be RESPONSIBLE for someone else’s actions.
It simply is NOT a REALITY.
You can make sweet passionate love to your wife. But that doesn’t mean that she’ll somehow “magically” or “conditionally” not have some burning twisted sexual fantasy (of some situation in which you will NOT participate in).
You can ask your spouse to stop yelling at the children and say “Honey, listen to what you’re saying” until you are blue in the face. But that does not mean that she will actually stop.
You can ask a church to stop biting off any and every rumor that they hear & embracing that gossip as their own absolute and definitive truth. But under no circumstances should you ever think that you have to simply live with their lie. You are not responsible for anyone’s actions except your own.
You can “put up a fence”, as Pastor Rick said, to “keep the poop out of your yard”. But that doesn’t mean that your wife won’t put her own crap on the front yard to stink up the neighborhood.
Guys, you can go to counseling, but that doesn’t mean that you have to feel bad & blame yourself when she refuses to go with you.
You can lovingly teach and instruct your children on how to diffuse explosive situations in the home. But under no circumstance are you responsible, nor should you feel guilty if your spouse refuses to keep those explosive delusions under control. They are responsible for their actions – not you.
Guys, a lot of you need to stop beating yourself up.
When you open your phone bill and realize that the wife is texting someone else at 1 am, and you’ve done everything possible, you’ve prayed, you’ve asked for counseling, you’ve gone to therapy, you’re being attentive, you’re providing, you’re being receptive and sensitive to her needs – both emotionally, sexually, and physically, ………
……..you need to stop listening to anyone & anything that says, “It’s your fault”. Her affair is NOT your fault. You can lead. But that doesn’t mean anyone else will come with you.
When you’ve begged her to go to counseling year after year after year, when you’ve said, “We need to get family counseling or we need to spend some time apart”, after you’ve gone and talked to the Family Pastor at church for a month, if you tell your spouse “Hey look, I’ve been going to counseling & I’d like to invite you to come to counseling together.”, when you pay for a licensed therapist outside of church even…. and she launches into another delusional attack mode against you,
stop blaming yourself. Stop wondering what you could have done differently. Your job, with everything you know to do, is to lead.
That’s it.
Leave it at that.
Don’t accept blame for something you cannot be responsible for.
NEVER accept someone else’s lie.
You are not responsible for anyone but you.
I am responsible for no one but me.
THINK OF FAITH: If FEAR is a ROCK
I want to take another moment to stop and ask everyone to have EMPATHY for Faith Conaway.
I want You to think of all of the fear that Ms. Conaway has been through in growing up in the independent fundamentalist Baptist culture. There are so many fears that have been inundated into her heart Socially programmed into her mind In baked into the very fabric of her soul .
Imagine all of those fears as rocks
I want you to think about all those fears . Think about growing up with the fear that your dad is going to beet you. think about growing up with the fear that Your house is going to burn down. Think about the fear that went through faith as The pastor did things when she was 15 years old. Think about all the fears that go through a person’s mind when they are at a church that says, ladies if you do something wrong we’re going to take you in front of the church and publicly shame you Think about all of that fear .
Understand that all of that fear is constantly still in faith glosser conaway . In the 5 years that I was with her I was able to Sometimes dissolve Some of those fearful outbursts. But that never really got anything resolved .
So now here she is with This fear of A church that Is going to judge her if they ever find out the truth And that stems from the one weekend that I told her Hey I went to talk to the family pastor at church .
I would really empathize and love on faith With all of her fears for a minute . Really close your eyes and think about this if you need. Put down the phone put down the Facebook put down the pins to gram whatever it is . Get completely distraction free and I want you to really think about all of the fears that faith has In her heart In her soul And Programmed into the very core of how her mind works .
Now imagine all of those FEARS As rocks .
Can you imagine how big Faith Conaway’s BAG OF FEARS has to be? Seriously? Think about it for a minute.
All those fears from childhood, then to adolescence, followed up to teenage years, then when the Pastor of her church _______, on up into the college years within the CULTure of Pensacola Christian College.
How do you get someone to realize that those fears are not real? And if you don’t mind I’m going to get a bit personal here for a second .
Other than grounding techniques That have been researched on the Internet , how am I supposed to dissolve all of those fears that don’t exist?
Especially when there’s this mindset which seems to consistently steamroll out of her:
I MUST MAINTAIN MY DELUSIONAL FEARS! YOU WILL SUBMIT TO MY DELUSIONAL FEARS! MY FEARS ARE NOT FROM MY PAST IN THE ‘BUBBLE’. THEY ARE TOTALLY REAL.
no. they’re not. take a deep breath in and out. you’re not there anymore, remember? your safe now. those fears are not real. in and out, breath.
listen to what you’re saying.
Every person’s situation is unique, but can I recommend a few good books for ‘ya?
This book is an inspiring, comprehensive guide showing that healing is possible. In a clear and gentle voice, Oksana helps demystify ritual abuse cults, and offers groundbreaking strategies for recovery. Drawing on inner wisdom and spirituality Oksana takes survivors step by step through the healing process.This has got to be, definitely, the best book yet available on ritual abuse healing. I loved the whole book. I kept saying Yes, yes, yes – this is how it is.
To The Women Who Lie About Being Abused: You Hurt The REAL Victims
Lying about domestic violence not only makes you selfish, but hurts the real victims who need help.
https://www.yourtango.com/2015277933/wome-who-lie-about-domestic-violence-you-hurt-real-victims
Cognitive Bias | Confirmation Bias
Look around you right now and find the color red.
Now close your eyes.
Close them.
How many green items can you recall?
Why can you remember the red items? Because you were looking for them!
Look around right now and find as many things that are green.
Now close your eyes.
Close them.
How many green items can you remember now?
Does Blaming Others Really Work
HOW TASKING & BLAMING WORKS TO ERODE FREEDOM
Children start off blaming other people and things for their problems when very young, for several reasons:
- It’s easier to blame others than to reflect on what we might’ve done to cause a problem scenario
- It’s safer to blame others (and force the consequences onto them) than to accept the blame ourselves (and potentially bear the consequences instead)
- It allows us to offload the work of solving the problem onto others (someone else has to figure out what happened and fix it, instead of us having to do it)
random thoughts on article that need to be expounded on later:
It’s easier to blame others than to reflect on what we might’ve done to cause a problem scenario
“…tell others to do things, and they magically get done. It’s easy….” <— Isn’t that a pattern that we see happen in both Stacy’s case and Faith’s as well? We (small town, society, culture, Burleson, Pathway Church) simply allow someone to tell us “what to do” and then some people just act on the claim.
I don’t wanna say that there’s a gender bias there, but… honestly there is!
If you’re reading this and you don’t have a penis, grab someone who does and run this little scenario:
Ask someone at church to help with a relationship problem and see what happens.
- Tell ’em the details,
- tell ’em what the other person is doing (in my case it was Faith Conaway),
- tell the church/ police/ friends/ family what the problems are,
- articulate what your concerns are,
and watch people’s reactions.
Now, do the same thing except w/out the penis. In other words, if a guy says the exact same thing that a woman does, and the situation warrants a restraining order against her, and the same people are involved in both scenarios isn’t it amazing how the woman can easily
“tell others to do things, and they magically get done”
Yet when the daddy / step-daddy / guy does the exact same thing – complete with documentation that removes any doubt whatsoever – no one seems to care.
It’s safer to blame others (and force the consequences onto them) than to accept the blame ourselves (and potentially bear the consequences instead)
By simply changing the gender of the person being blamed, suddenly there’s action and consequences on the person who hasn’t done anything wrong.
In more practical sense, why am I being the recipient of hate, death threats, public / private shame, and ridicule when I haven’t done anything wrong? What the heck is going on here?
The problem? Well, it’s much easier for Faith to blame others (me) than to accept any responsibility on her own.
Honestly folks, she can’t have any responsibility – that’s the FEAR that has been SOCIALLY CONDITIONED into her mind.
If you ever say, “Faith, did you accuse Brad of saying something that he never actually said – something that in reality, Jason Conaway said to you years ago?”
Her response will always be “uh….. no. Nope. Didn’t happen. That never happened. I didn’t do it. That’s not something I did. I never did that.” and on and on and on and on
But wait…. one of us knows to click record when the spidey senses are tingling for potentially explosive situations.
On one hand, we’ve got Faith Conaway’s interview with Laura done a few years ago, where we hear Faith saying, “Jason told me I deserve to be beat”.
At the same time, I’ve recorded (yet another) explosive situation and -YEP- there’s the conversation between Faith and I. I’ve asked her why she’s treating me like Jason, what I did to deserve this treatment, saying “he’s the one that abused you, not me”, & I’m asking why she keeps treating me like him.
Yet she will never admit to the possibility of delusions, hearing things, recalling things that didn’t happen, or that she needs any help.
“You said I deserve to be beat!” Whoah nelly! I most certainly did not. Back that recording up girlfriend. This homey don’t play that game cause it wasn’t funny when I was 10 and it sure as heck ain’t something I said. That is something your heard Jason say – literally.
WHY?
Because it’s easier to blame others. It’s safer to blame others. No matter how many times I googled ‘grounding techniques for ptsd episodes’ and dissolved the explosive situation, there will never be a moment in Faith’s mind that allows her to confront the reality of her actions.
That is what social conditioning does! What happens to a female who is in the Fundamentalist Cult when they are found to be at fault?
It’s almost like the Salem Witch Trials minus that whole fire thing.
Now, couple her history of horrific social conditioning and combine that with the natural consequences of the hundreds of enablers from Pathway Church and the community.
Would Faith EVER accept any accountability?
Nope.
Not unless she gets help, checks into rehab, or goes to some kind of therapy center.
It allows us to offload the work of solving the problem onto others (someone else has to figure out what happened and fix it, instead of us having to do it)
Now, the responsibility of “solving” the problem has to always & consistently be offloaded to someone who is …..
- ….church? But, I didn’t do anything – at church as well! So, why throw them under the bus and ask them to handle Faith’s delusional paranoia claims?
- ….the police station? But, wait. While the police are going to do their job for each dispatch call, they can NOT do ‘whatever-you-want-them-to-do’.
- ….in the community? Not everyone around is a complete and total gullible idiot. Why try to reach out to people to get them involved when they are NOT the ones who can solve any of Faith’s problems?
What Faith Would Love
October 13th, 2012
I was going back through my photos and found this one. If the date/ time are correct, this is one of the very first pictures taken of Aubree since Faith Glosser and the girls left the Fundamentalist CULTure.
But, as I was looking at this picture today, a few different thoughts came to mind.
Don’t tell Faith, but do you think Aubree misses the-guy-she-called-Daddy? Thanks to deep roots in a Community of Character, folks have said that there are times when Aubree has continually mentioned missing me.
Yet at the same time, those same savvy soccer moms & dads who are not so gullible have also mentioned that when they’ve asked the girls what Faith has said about me, the response from the girls, including Aubree is quite disappointing.
In other words, to be clear, Faith really doesn’t have a problem using her delusional lies against the girls.
Is that typical of separations? Of course. One parent simply needs to trash, belittle, discredit, shame, blame and scare the children away from the other adult.
It’s not new.
And, would it bother Faith at all if I landed in Jail? Of course not! That is exactly what she wants. That is precisely what her delusions need her to do.
Chronic Trauma induced Delusional Attacks happen – especially when someone has been raised in a cult their whole life.
So, in all the incidents where you, me, and others have grown up with one person continually bashing, trashing, and bad-mouthing the other person, what happens to the children as they get older, grow up, and get wiser?
Chances are higher, and growing higher everyday, that her delusional lies are going to progress, exponentially grow, and continually instigate, prompt, coerce, and provoke others throughout the community to enable those trauma based paranoid lies.
Ignoring the Restraining Orders that the 249th District Court put in place to protect me against Faith’s actions, she doesn’t mind trying to instigate stories at the Burleson Police Station.
Regardless of the Restraining Orders that Faith is supposed to keep in compliance with, she has absolutely ZERO hesitation getting the Safety Squad at Pathway Church to dig her hole deeper – even complete with calling the BPD to fully document her shenanigans.
So, after all is said and done, after the truth catches up with her lies, since Faith can’t seem to stop and realize that she is literally asking others to help her break a very serious law, what now?
Faith has already chosen to put her “attempts” at SELF-PRESERVATION OVER THE NEEDS OF HER OWN CHILDREN
What happens to Aubree, Alexis, and Katelyn once the courts realize that Faith has purposefully ignored her Restraining Order?
Trauma and hallucinatory experience in psychosis
Recent research indicates that there may be phenomenological, symptom, and diagnostic associations between trauma and hallucinations. However, the nature of the relationship is poorly understood from a psychological perspective. We report a theoretically informed phenomenological study. From descriptions of reported traumas and hallucinations, we assessed the rates of four types of hypothesized association between traumas and hallucinations (direct, indirect, stress, and none) in 75 participants with nonaffective psychosis. In a subgroup who had experienced trauma (N = 40), 12.5% had hallucinations with similar themes and content to their traumas, 45% had hallucinations in which the themes were the same but not the content, and 42.5% had no identifiable associations between their hallucinations and previously experienced trauma. Traumas rated as intrusive were significantly associated with hallucinations rated as intrusive, although intrusive hallucinations were not associated with traumas in general. The traumas most likely to be associated with hallucinations were sexual abuse and bullying.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16082293