Category: Domestic Violence

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People shouldn’t get burned by Faith

Let’s pretent that Katy and adrainne really are geniune and honest in their attempts and decpetive efforts. No, there’s nothing blatantly cedecptive about them at all. Let’ just run with that midneset for a secodn or two. Those two individiuals (amountgt others_ have al ready provent that their not being truthful. But let’s just pretend ofr a moment that they are.

They should be able to trust in what someone like ms conaway is claiming.

As an activist or community member, you shouldn’t have to wonder or worry about what a person says. But the reality is that oudo. And you should always question the person’s accusations. Should you “believe” the accuser? Yes! And listen carefully: you WILL be believing something when they are done

Either you will believe something TRUTHFUL.

or you will have just believed a LIE

Nonetheless, everywone wanting to claim “believe me” should always be reassured, “Yes. I will believe something”

It would be nice to think that every claim has merit, every community activist has validated the stories through their intake process, but that’s simply not the case.

Actually, doing anything to validate the client’s story almost never happens.

Taking that last statement in stride, let’s move on.

Why should Rhonda or Danielle or Katie or Adrien have to wonder if Ms. Faith Conaway, or anyone else is telling the truth?

Well, those who want their integrity to hold up WILL care about validating and verifying. And, we’re not talking about validating and verifying from the “other person’s” point of view – which is important. More & MOST IMPORTANTLY is listening, very purposefully, to the person making the accusations.

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The Danger of Shane

He has a gun.

Not just he’s accusing you of things that you haven’t done – which is dangerous enough.

But he does indeed have a gun, several guns, probably carries a gun at all times, he has access to multiple guns, guns from other crimes, can get access to more guns, has access to ammo, and can very easily do anything with all of those.

Everyone can claim an opinion. But here’s the facts of his actions and the reality of his behaviors.

He already has already lied. This is NOT a situation of ‘if’ – This is the reality of ‘since he has already lied’

Shane has already made claims as facts that are blatant lies.

As the leader of the scuba steve safety squad, he has already shown that he does not have any desire to correct his staff or even his own claims.

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Is it OK to harass someone if

Is it ok to be a harasser if ……

You are of a particular gender?

If you are of a specific profession?

When you are on one particular political side or another?

Is it ok to harass someone if you have a badge?

Is it acceptable to harass someone if you have a pulpit and a congregation?

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Reflection and Projection

Your environment is actually a reflection of your mental attitude.

When Ms. Conaway decides to act out in fear from something that doesn’t exist, that is a reflection of what’s going on inside her mind.

When a person decides to leave an abusive

your brain is like a supercomputer.

when the mind is programmed to think something it will.

it’s that simple.

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There’s nothing wrong with being wrong

There needs to be a safe place where someone like Ms. Conaway & any other woman can come to give some honesty.

It’s ok to step out in honesty and say, “Ladies, I need help. When y’all aren’t looking, I have horrific anger issues. Sometimes I snap so badly that I even take it out on the kids.”

or

“Hey church friends…. If you pull public record, you can literally hear me lie, hear me instigate others to lie with me, and even hear my lies to you – the other church members.”

or

“I’m sorry, but I’ve been ritualistically brain washed by a very far right wing cult for the last 35 years. I can not actually resolve and distinguish what is real and what is a delusional flashback of these fear conditioning lies in my head.”

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Why Do People Not Stand Up to LIARS

As we’ve seen, however, people often don’t speak up when they have first-hand knowledge that someone is endangering or hurting others. There are many reasons why adults and children turn a blind eye when an insecure person tells outrageous lies or torments others.

They may include:

1. Apathy. The offender’s lies are so ridiculous and over-the-top that any reasonable person knows he is lying, and it’s not worth the fight to challenge it. The default response becomes to tune it out or roll one’s eyes.

2. Rationalization. Some onlookers are unable — or unwilling — to see the stakes to a bully’s bad behavior. This is the camp that says, “Fibbing is annoying.” They minimize the damage of anti-social behavior. They focus on how they might benefit and ignore the reprehensible means.

3. Callousness. Others simply don’t worry about lies or harassment or threatening behavior that doesn’t impact them personally. As long as someone else is the victim or potential victim, they are unbothered.

4. Fear. Sometimes a bystander does feel empathy and concern but is simply too afraid of becoming a target of the bully.

5. Greed. Others are more complicit. They want something from the bully, so they are willing to aid and abet unethical or cruel actions. They stand to gain personally from enabling the bully despite the damage it causes to others.

6. Protection. Some people, especially weaker ones, are easily seduced by power. They feel protected by their association with the bully. It’s easier for them to be part of a protected in-group, no matter how compromised.

7. Consequences. There are those who fear losing social standing or facing backlash from others beyond the bully. In these situations the culture of the institution, whether it’s a school or workplace, often enables and empowers the bully.

8. Cowardice. Many people lack of courage to speak up or stand up against wrongdoing, even anonymously. They are too cowardly to take a risk to do the right thing. It’s easier to leave or avoid the situation. This is especially true if the system responds with reversal, in which the bully is seen as victim, and the whistleblower is seen as the problem.

9. Desensitized. Those who spend the most time around a bully become accustomed to cruelty and anti-social behavior. They see everyone around them tolerating it, as well.

10. Meanness. And there are some who share the same moral defects as the bully. They are just as ruthless, self-centered, greedy, spiteful or nasty. They don’t act out as much as the alpha bully because they are lower in the pecking order and don’t wield as much power. But they take pleasure in the hatefulness committed in their proximity.

Once we understand and identify what prevents bystanders from intervening, we can look for ways to better engage them. And we can learn from the mysterious behavior of whales.

Humans should appeal to bystanders’ own interests in banding together. We can reform systems to be friendlier to whistleblowers and make it easier to be anonymous. We need to continue to glorify the courageous, cultivate empathy and shame the complicit.

It’s their silence that speaks the loudest.

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today’s thoughts Oct 14 2018

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201701/6-reasons-people-lie-when-they-don-t-need

https://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2015/04/07/how-to-tell-when-people-lie-and-make-them-tell-the-truth/#6335048514d4

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Pink Wolves in Sheep Clothing

Pink Wolf In Sheep Clothing

 

1. Wolves will have an issue with spiritual authority. Wolves will tell you they don’t have such an issue, but watch them carefully. Do they have a spiritual covering? In one of my WISC (wolf in sheep clothing) encounters, this individual pretended to have a covering, but after I learned she was a WISC, the friend who was supposed to be her covering contacted me. It came to find out that this WISC had issues for a long time. In another WISC issue, I caught this woman lying to our pastor. Had it been a one-time thing, then maybe the person just isn’t mature. But in these situations, it was a pattern that happened over and over again.

2. Wolves will try to manipulate and control you. WISCs can be some of the sweetest of people as long as they think you can be controlled. They will operate under tactful intimidation and often, you don’t realize what’s happening right away. This is not from God. God doesn’t manipulate and control, and anyone who says they’re sent by God cannot operate under this spirit either.

3. When wolves are in a fight, they will go for blood. We all go through situations where we will act less than perfect in conflict, but wolves take that a step further. Once they get a taste for blood, they will attempt to go for it in arguments. They will suddenly turn vicious. They will justify their actions covered in a cloud of fake Christian cliches. I once talked with a WISC who thought it was his job to destroy anyone who remotely conflicted with him. He thought God had appointed him some kind of enforcer. But God doesn’t do that. Even when Jesus hung on a cross, He cried out, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34b). Although God doesn’t expect you to be a doormat, I’ve seen wolves act like rabid animals. This is the nature of the spirit they are operating in. Please pay close attention that your enemy is not the person, but the devil to which the person has given a foothold in their life. This is a spiritual matter.

4. Wolves will act one way around those they think matter and suddenly change behind closed doors.  I was once on a prophetic team with a man who I came to later know was a WISC. He was one of the nicest of people when relating to leadership, and he was to me until conflict happened. We were once in a room prophesying over a woman. When the woman left the room, he turned to me and told me that the “devil had been telling him all about me.” This man changed quickly from appearing to be a sheep prophesying to someone who was ready to attack me.

5. There is some rotten fruit in the life of a wolf. The Bible is very clear that we need to learn how to check the spiritual fruit in others. Are they people of peace, patience, gentleness and self-control?  Don’t get me wrong; we’ve all fallen short in these areas. What are the situations that tend to follow them?  Are they constantly stirring up chaos?  Do they consistently set you on edge?

6. Wolves are often accurate in the spiritual gifts. Please note that just because someone has spiritual gifts does not mean they are heaven-sent. Many times, I’ve seen people mistaken by these individuals just because they were gifted or because a ‘prophetic word’ seemed accurate. Please, pastors, do not put them in charge of your departments just because they are gifted. Watch their lives, because if you’re not careful, they will devour your sheep.

7. Wolves didn’t always start out being wolves. I don’t believe all wolves started out being wolves. Often, they are gifted individuals who just got lost somewhere along the way. Both big wolf-encounters I faced had a similarity. The wolves were both people who had father fractures and never quite healed. They were people who let the idea of success get in the way of morality. Somewhere they became deceived, and their judgment was clouded. They both believed that they were being used by God, but the fruit just wasn’t there. The good news is that I believe that these people, along with other WISC, are not so far gone that they can’t repent and turn back to God. I believe God still wants to use them; however, I believe they will have to go through a pruning season first.